The idea of loving each other is pretty universal. Yet when you look around the world, on the whole it’s not a very loving place. So there’s a discrepancy somewhere between what we say we believe and what we actually do.

Here’s a question that might begin to get at this discrepancy:

If we are to love others, how can we do so unless we first love who we are as a person?

Our ability to love another person depends on whether we love ourselves. If you just think about it, it has to be this way, because we can’t give away what we don’t have.

Yet in everyday life, so many people I come across don’t appear to even like who they are, let alone really love themselves—and this is reflected in just how unloving life is for so many of us on this planet.

In fact, there has been a centuries-long taboo on loving yourself in much of the world. Especially in the West, we’ve been taught that we are flawed, for which we ought to feel badly about ourselves. But even in the East, people were told they ought to put others first and feel apologetic about themselves. In so much of the East, there’s a hierarchy that defines people’s “worth.” Consequently, masses of humans feel pretty worthless, which is reflected in their circumstances. They put up with being treated as if they were horribly inferior.

The idea of actually accepting ourselves, liking ourselves, and even loving ourselves really hasn’t been widespread in the human species at all. In culture after culture, we’ve been told for millennia that it’s wrong to put ourselves first, wrong to want to promote ourselves, wrong to think of ourselves highly.

We have been a species riddled with self-doubt. We have been plagued with a lack of self-worth. We have suffered greatly from not feeling good about ourselves.

Today, some don’t buy this “putting down of ourselves” any longer. Not just humanists, but churches such as Unity, New Thought, Science of Mind, and much of the field of psychology—not to mention some Eastern ways of believing—tell us we ought to value ourselves.

Instead of seeing humanity as evil, as the teaching of original sin has emphasized, these traditions prefer to see us as creatures who are a “work in progress.” Some even go so far as to tell us we are “perfect just as we are.”

Now here is something that is really quite surprising when you ponder it for just a moment:

Whether you are in the camp that thinks we are fundamentally flawed, even “sinful,” if not downright evil, or whether you are in the camp that believes we are just fine and need to accept ourselves, in both cases the reality is different from what we say we believe about ourselves.

Let me take the second group first—those who believe we are just fine. As I talk with people who make such a claim, it’s evident that in reality—no matter what they may say about being “perfect” or about “accepting ourselves” and “loving ourselves”—many don’t even like themselves very much, and certainly don’t like their life as it is right now much at all.

The discrepancy between what we say we believe, and what we actually feel and experience, is evidenced in all the ways we’re constantly “working on ourselves.”

Everywhere I turn, people—no matter what they may say—are trying in some way to “fix” themselves, feel better about themselves, pick themselves up. Yes, I’m including those whose beliefs tell them that they are “already perfect” and “don’t need fixing.”

You see, at some deep level, we really all know there is something just a bit “off”—that, when we are honest with ourselves, we actually do have some areas of our life that we aren’t happy with.

Now let’s turn to the first group I mentioned, the literally billions on our planet who think of themselves as “sinful,” or something of that kind, and who would tell you that to love yourself, feel good about yourself, and especially promote yourself is wrong and “prideful.”

Would it surprise you to hear that this group, comprising the vast majority of humans, actually love themselves—even though they don’t feel good about themselves and, in fact, believe they ought not to feel good about themselves?

The proof is easy to see. Just start putting someone down, telling them how worthless they are, what a mess they are, even what a disaster they are. Something rises up in them in protest!

There are exceptions. Those who feel really badly about themselves may tearfully and apologetically agree with what you are saying about them. “Yes, I am such an awful person. I am horrible. I’m a total failure.”

But when all of that is over, something in such a persons responds, “But I’m really trying, and I’m doing the best I can. And I want to improve and do better. I’ve been this way all my life, and I hate being this way!”

What you are hearing is the voice of self-love. The person really doesn’t feel this awful about themselves—they just don’t dare not feel awful about themselves, because this is how they learned to feel about themselves when growing up. They believe they are supposed to feel awful about themselves. “Isn’t that how a ‘sinner’ should feel?” they would say.

The fact is, at a deep level—and all our beliefs aside—none of us can help loving ourselves. Simultaneously, none of us can help feeling flawed!

So what’s going on here?

Well, our understanding of ourselves is faulty, whichever camp we are in. It’s our belief that’s the problem.

Now I want to state something that may really surprise you:

The answer to this dilemma, for both groups, is an understanding of a facet of our human condition that the ancients called “original sin.”

No, I’m not talking about something passed on in our genes, not talking about sex being “dirty,” not talking about something inherently wrong with us.

All of that kind of thinking is a distortion of what the idea of original sin is really all about. It has been distorted for centuries, especially thanks to influential figures such as St. Augustine, Bishop of Hippo in North Africa in the fourth century, who had some major sexual hangups that he first acted out as a libertine and later as the original member of the “Moral Majority.”

The teachings that have been bedrock to the Christian tradition didn’t arise without reason. They arose to address something that the early followers of Jesus realized was an issue we needed to look at because it’s something that occurs universally.

In the weeks ahead, each Sunday this column will take a look at the key teachings of Christianity down through the centuries, showing what issue they arose to address, and what they really mean once the distortion of centuries is removed from them.

One such teaching is the idea that humanity is sinful, and that this sinful condition is something we are born into. But what Jesus and his followers understood about this is very different from how most have understood it.

Our “original sin” isn’t that we believe in ourselves, promote ourselves, feel good about ourselves—which is how it’s usually been seen, as if this were somehow “pride.”

Our original sin is that we don’t believe in ourselves, don’t love ourselves, don’t even like ourselves all that much.

The reason we call it “original” is that it’s not something we caused, but a condition that existed before us and has subsequently infected us.

Believing in ourselves has been a problem for our species ever since we crossed the threshold into self-consciousness, as Ernest Becker shows so ably in his Pulitzer Prize-winning psychological study The Denial of Death. Anxiety about ourselves is built into the very nature of our existence.

All of us, without exception, have “missed the mark” when it comes to ourselves—which is exactly what that ancient word “sin” means. It’s a term used in archery. You miss the bull’s eye. In humans, it means we fail to be the fabulous creatures we are. We fall short of being the reflection of divine glory, which is what we are intended to be.

Why do we have such a problem loving, and even liking, ourselves?

Because from the moment we were conceived, we began to be infected by all the negative vibes of the world into which we were to enter, which began affecting us even in our mother’s womb (as science is today clearly showing us, with studies of how a fetus responds to its mother’s experiences, emotions, state of mind, body chemistry, and so on).

You and I are fantastic creatures—according to the Judaeo-Christian tradition, the spitting image of God. But we come into a world that isn’t very conscious, aware, and in which those who are here and will raise us are deeply anxious about themselves.

The result is that we don’t grow up very conscious of our true being or very aware of our capabilities. We see ourselves in an extremely limited, impoverished way. So we live lives that are less than we are capable of.

There is nothing inherently flawed about us. It’s just that we all, to varying degrees, believe we are inadequate—and what we feel about ourselves, we live out, no matter what we tell ourselves, which is why the world is such a mess.

Our original sin is that we learn from our inception that we aren’t okay, aren’t good enough, aren’t acceptable. Then we live this way.

[Article By David Robert Ord]

Are you spending too much for car insurance? No, this isn’t a Geico commercial, but it is a valid question. What about health insurance? Are you paying interest on your car or your Visa bill? The Bible says a lot about money and how to handle it. But how are we handling it? Here, experts share how you can get fiscally fit. 

2. Reward yourself.
If you’re one of those who uses credit responsibly, find a credit card that offers a rewards program, such as frequent flyer miles or hotel points, and pay it off each month. If you put $250 a month on credit, a card with 5 percent cash rebates will net you about $200 a year. The key is to use the card only for your ongoing, budgeted spending (gas, groceries, bills), not impulse buys. Why? “Statistics tell us that people will spend 33 percent more by using a credit card or debit card over cash,” Easterly says. “There is less of a connection when you swipe a credit card than when you pull cash from your wallet.” For a comparison of credit card offers, head to creditcards.com.

3. Negotiate a better rate.
If you’re already up to your neck in credit card debt, start by negotiating a lower interest rate with your credit card company. There is a lot of competition out there for your business, so credit card companies will usually try to work with you. You may also consider opening a new line of credit that offers a zero interest introductory rate for 12 months and transfering all your balances to one card. (But read the fine print. The interest rate might skyrocket after the introductory period.) Take advantage of the interest-free time to make different spending choices and pay down your debt.

4. Make car payments to yourself.
Christian financial planner Ron Blue says there are two ways to pay for a car: Pay the bank interest or pay yourself interest. In his “Everyday Stewards” e-newsletter, Blue writes, “If you are not currently paying cash for your cars, consider making car payments to yourself now so that when the time comes for the next vehicle purchase, you can write a check.” Once your present car loan is paid off, he recommends applying the amount of your previous monthly payment toward a savings account designated for your next automobile purchase. Blue suggests these savings guidelines for any major purchase that you anticipate within the next few years, such as home repairs or furniture, so that over time you finance less and less – eventually eliminating consumer debt.

5. Develop a savings cushion.
Emergencies happen, and they usually cost money. It makes sense to have money set aside to cover unexpected expenses like car repairs. Easterly says that the first step is to save $1,000 for an emergency fund. “This way you can borrow from yourself,” he explains. “You want to be the banker instead of letting MasterCard or Visa be your banker.” The next step is to save three to six months’ worth of living expenses. This money needs to be easily accessible, so put it in an interest-bearing savings or money market account. Easterly suggests making minimum payments on your bills while you’re building the emergency fund and then working on debt reduction while saving for living expenses.

6. Wheel and deal for better car insurance rates.
Marlene Finn, a bank vice president in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., who raised two kids as a single mom and had to be thrifty, says she recently changed car insurance companies. “I just kept renewing my policy because I had it automatically coming out of my checking account,” she says. “I was being lazy and not shopping.” Finn first tried online comparisons but didn’t noticing any savings until she took time to talk to a couple of agents. “I hate to get on the phone with an agent. It takes more time because you have to drag out your policy and go over it, but I was shocked at how much I ended up saving for the exact same coverage.” Her net savings was $300 a year. Finn recommends comparing rates every other year and wishes she had called sooner.

7. Up your deductibles.
Finn also recently increased the deductible on her homeowners’ insurance from 2 percent to 5 percent. Living in South Florida, she saw her homeowner’s insurance balloon after two busy hurricane seasons. Easterly agrees that raising insurance deductibles could be a smart move, but it’s not for everyone. “You have to do two things – look at past history and trust God,” he says. If you have a less-than-stellar driving record, for example, don’t raise your deductible. Consider your medical history too; if you rarely go to the doctor, then it may make sense for you to up your medical insurance deductible. But be smart by setting aside money for possible medical costs.

8. Share and share alike.
Living alone? Get a roommate. The obvious benefit is sharing the costs of rent or mortgage and utilities. This may allow you to afford living in a neighborhood that would be out of your reach if you lived alone. Or you may simply like the idea of getting help to pay down your mortgage. For example, if you’re getting $500 a month for your spare bedroom, that’s a whopping $6,000 a year you could put toward your mortgage or savings. If you reside somewhere known for a higher cost of living, such as New York City or San Francisco, a roommate may be more of a necessity to help you make ends meet. In addition to helping shoulder financial burdens, having a roommate teaches flexibility as an added bonus.

9. Shop around.
For big ticket items it pays to do your homework. Try comparison-shopping sites to find the best prices. Just how much do the savings add up? An IRobot Roomba 4100 robotic vacuum, including taxes and shipping, tipped the scales from $150 all the way to $255. With a difference of $105, comparison shopping is certainly worth a few clicks.

10. Get automated.
Have your paycheck direct deposited. The money clears faster, and you won’t be tempted with cash in hand. You can also set up withholdings for savings, a retirement account, or an employee stock purchase plan.

And sign up for automatic bill payments whenever possible. This saves time and postage; plus it helps you avoid late fees.

11. Check on your account.
Sure, you can look at your checking account balance online, but you still need to actually balance your checkbook so you know where your money goes. Do this the old-fashioned way with a calculator, or use personal finance software such as Quicken or Microsoft Money. This will keep you from overdraft charges, and when you pay more attention you’ll notice when you’re being overcharged or when automatic payments have increased so you can shop around for better rates. If you tend to carry a high balance in your checking account, consider opening a savings or money market account. Checking accounts pay notoriously low (or no) interest rates. If both accounts are with the same bank or credit union, transferring funds is easy.

12. Plan ahead and reduce fees.
If you’re paying a $2 service charge to get $20 cash from an ATM, that transaction just cost you a hefty 10 percent interest. Those fees adds up quickly, so make some adjustments. Use ATMs that don’t charge, or use a debit card and get cash back on a point of sale purchase instead. If you must resort to an ATM, take out more money and make it last longer rather than making multiple trips that cost you each time.

13. Guard your personal info.
Kip Boyle, chief information security officer for a regional insurance company in Seattle, says a proactive stance to guard against identity theft is a must. “We can no longer afford to be passive about identity theft,” he warns. “It’s the fastest growing crime in America today.” Boyle says mail theft and garbage sifting are the two easiest ways for your personal data to fall into the hands of criminals. He recommends a locking mailbox and a cross cutting paper shredder to dispose of all financial statements, pre-screened credit card offers, and medical insurance statements that often include Social Security numbers. “If you really want to be vigilant and reduce your risk, then sign up to receive all of your bank, financial, and credit card statements electronically,” he adds.

Boyle also suggests reviewing your credit report regularly. Congress passed a law in 2003 requiring each of the three credit-rating agencies to provide consumers with a free copy of their credit report annually. Visit annualcreditreport.com to get yours. Boyle stresses the importance of monitoring your credit periodically to make sure no one has opened new lines of credit in your name or taken over an old line of credit that you no longer use.

Like becoming physically fit, whipping your finances into shape takes diligence and will power, but it’s definitely worth the work in the end.

I was born on April 3, 1975 in Berkeley, California. I was raised in a town right outside of the San Francisco Bay Area called Richmond, California. I was raised by a single mother that worked long hard ours to provide for me, her only child. While she was at work, hip hop was my babysitter. Rap City, Yo! MTV Raps, Video Soul, and The Box [ya'll may not know about The Box]. I grew up a hip hop head. It’s as if hip hop and I grew up together, like “play cousins” or something.

[Fast Forward 25 Years]

I am now a 35 year old pastor that loves hip hop/neo-soul, and it shows. It’s  pretty funny some of the looks that I get from pastors that don’t quite “get me”. I own suits, but I never wear them,  preach in jeans and tees. I speak correct English, but I often teach using slang. I am okay with gospel music, but I’d rather listen to Christian Hip Hop [I dont do corny Christian Hip either].  I show up in jeans, a polo, and boots for their “super saint” meetings. And of course, I don’t get invited up to sit with the “big boys” on the platform [which is cool with me. Trust me...]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but THIS IS THE GENERATION THAT GOT NEXT. Galatians 4:28 says it this way, “Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are the children of promise.” We are the ones that have been commissioned to go into the world preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are preaching the same God, from the same Bible, but with a different approach. WE ARE REAL. WE ARE RELEVANT. WE ARE SAVED.

And to everyone that reads this and is struggling with their uniqueness/peculiarity, I say to you, struggle no more. We are the same. But different. When David came in from the wilderness to be anointed King, he smelled like the wilderness. He smelled like the “wild” that he was so familiar with. Do you think God cared about what David had on? He didn’t. 1 Samuel 16:1-13, his brothers were all dressed up in their Sundays Best thinking that they were the chosen one. But it was gully David that God wanted.

Whether you are hip hop, r&b, model material, fashion savvy, or even block savvy, God wants to use you today. If you would like to know how to connect with a God that knows your past, and is not tripping, email me at: for_heavensake@yahoo.com.

The world is waiting on you. Let’s get it!!!

Let it minister to you,

Pastor D

The objective of this post is to help us better communicate with our loved ones without the frustration of having to decode non-verbal communication. Here are 10 practical tools that will support us in our attempt to better communicate with those in our lives:

1. Communicate Often – People often want to wait to talk about things. Some want to wait until things are perfect, until they are “totally in love” before they want to really communicate from the heart. Others try to ignore issues by putting off important communication until things are hopelessly beyond repair. Remember the old saying, “if you wait until all the lights are on green before you head for town, you will never get there.” Communication, after all, is just talking about what is going on. Do it early and often.

2. Listen – Your communication will be much more effective if you understand the other person’s point of view. Restate their position so that they know that you understand. Then, perhaps they will listen to you as well.

3. Translate – We all come from different backgrounds, families, and traditions. A word or phrase can have totally different connotations to different people. Expectations vary based on our experience. Your job is to translate what you are saying so that it can be easily understood by the other person. Make sure your expectations are clear to avoid misunderstandings.

4. Focus On Common Goals – Whether in business or family life, common goals and objectives cement relationships. Maintaining this focus on common goals, beliefs, and values, helps bring people together as team members working for a common cause.

5. Praise and Compliment – We all have things we do right and we all make mistakes. Try to emphasize the positive in your communication with others. Look for things that the other person does right. Negative or corrective messages, although sometimes necessary, are much easier to accept (and learn from) when peppered with healthy doses of honest praise and sincere appreciation.

6. Stick to the Issue – When disagreements happen, stick to the issue at hand. Never make it personal or bring up past grievances to make your point. If things get heated, agree to cool off and think things over for a few minutes and then come back together for more communication.

7. Be Respectful and Kind – Respect each other’s views and opinions. Make kindness the hallmark of your communication. One of the worst mistakes people make is to justify cutting remarks saying, “I’m just being honest.” Wrong! You are being unkind. Using tact and good judgment, you can be both honest and kind in your communication. Respect also means you never say anything about someone else when they are not there, that you would not be comfortable saying in their presence.

8. Forgive One Another – We have become a society that looks for reasons to be offended. We sue companies because the coffee was “too hot” or a careless word was “racially bigoted” or an employee ignored our needs. The media is full of people who choose to be offended by the slightest misspoken word or mistake. This culture of offense has invaded our personal and business communications as well. We all make mistakes and we need to forgive each other if we have any hope of communicating positively.

9. Remember – Why did you choose this friend or hire this person or get married or connect with this person in the first place? Remember the reasons and feelings that brought you together. Remember the good things he or she has done. So many people choose to throw away a great relationship because they focus on a few minor inconveniences and forget the big picture, only to realize too late that they have lost everything.

10. Communicate About Communication – Talk about ways to improve your mutual communication skills. Schedule times to talk about important or difficult issues. Review these steps together and create an atmosphere of positive, effective communication.

1: Recognize the need to trust again. Some people fool themselves into believing that they do not need to have close relationships in their lives. However, human beings are social creatures, and need one another. Without trust, you cannot have a close relationship. Without a close relationship, life can seem empty.

2: Acknowledge areas in which you already trust. Many people, especially those who experienced deep betrayal in childhood through abuse, believe that they are unable to trust anyone in any fashion. But this is simply untrue. Even the most jaded person generally trusts the waiter to bring him food in a restaurant, or the mail carrier to deliver the mail to his mailbox.

3: Understand that one person does not have to meet all of your needs. Many people search for that one person with whom they can share their entire heart. This is not necessary in order to learn to trust again. What matters is that all of your needs are met. You can accomplish this by trusting different people with different needs.

4: Look for people who are trustworthy. The way a person treats others is a good indicator of how she might treat you. If she tells you the intimate details of another person’s life, she is likely to betray your confidence as well. However, if she never says an unkind word about another person, she is unlikely to speak poorly of you to others, either.

5: Ease into a new relationship slowly. Start by sharing small confidences and see what happens. If the person breaches a small confidence, you do not want to trust him with a larger one. However, as the person shows he is trustworthy in the smaller things, you can feel more confident about trusting him with the bigger things.

6: Trust yourself to be okay if you are betrayed. In many cases, the fear of trusting another person is more about your own fear of not being able to handle a betrayal. If you fear you will fall apart if the other person breaks your trust, you will be less likely to trust again. However, if you are confident you are going to be okay even if the other person lets you down, it will be much easier for you to learn to trust again.

7: Be patient with your progress. After you have been betrayed, it can be a challenge to learn to trust again. Give yourself the time and space you need to ease back into trusting another person again.

I. Why is it difficult to resolve bitter experiences?

One never forgets bitter experiences. Our memory of how others have hurt us remains in our mind. Proverbs 14:10 The heart knows its own bitterness.

II. What types of sins produce bitterness in the heart?

1. Sexual deviance will cause one to become bitter due to the consequences of the sin involved. (See consequences of sexual deviance) Proverbs 5:3-6; 7:26
2. Greed for money and influence will cause one to become bitter. Acts 8:18-23
3. Disobedience that brings God’s chastening will cause one to become bitter. Lamentations 1:2-4
4. Foolish actions of a child will cause bitterness to be experienced by a mother. Proverbs 17:25

III. What are the consequences if bitterness if not dealt with?

1. It will affect one’s emotions. Hebrews 12:15
2. It will affect others. (Cause them to become bitter-defiled) Hebrews 12:15
3. It will lead to revenge and other sins of wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking and malice. (Note the progression of the sins from lesser to greater) Ephesians 4:31

IV. Two examples of individuals who faced bitter situations.

1. Correct Response: Joseph
A. Joseph had many opportunities to become bitter.
-Sold into slavery.
-Potiphar lied about his character.
-Butler forgot him in prison.
B. Principles Joseph used to keep from becoming bitter.
-Joseph left the judgment to God. Gen 50:19
-Joseph saw God’s sovereign hand in all adversity. Genesis 50:20
-Joseph showed genuine love and concern for those who hurt him. Genesis 50:21

2. Wrong Response: Naomi (Changed name to Mara: means bitter)
-a pleasant person turned bitter in 10 years.

V. How can I transform a bitter attitude? Ephesians 4:31-32
1.
Define each of the sins. Note the progression from bitterness to malice.
-Bitterness.
-Wrath.
-Anger.
-Clamor.
-Evil speaking.
-Malice.

2.
Define each of the 3 words and put them into practice in the order given.
1. Kind: Kindness shown to the ones we are bitter toward.
2. Tenderhearted: Pray for a tender heart toward them.
3. Forgiving one another: Be willing to forgive others for the wrongs they have committed against us.

VI. How can a person forgive another for their wrongs?

1. Do not allow your thoughts to focus on the failures of others. A person’s thinking may lead to bitterness. I Corinthians 13:5 Love thinketh no evil. Love keeps no record of wrongs. God refuses to dwell on our sins. Psalms 103:12; Isaiah 43:25; Hebrews 10:17
2. Share with the individual your desire to totally forgive them. God forgives us and tells us that He forgives us. Isaiah 55:7; Jeremiah 31:34, 33:8
3. Seek to love and accept others in spite of their failures. God loves us in spite of our sins.
4. Forgiving another person is a matter of obedience. One will not feel like forgiving another. After one forgives, his attitude and feelings will correct themselves.
5. Never forget the debt we owe Christ for our sins when forgiving others for their failures. Matthew 18:21-35

VII. How am I to respond to others when I am hurt and am tempted to become bitter against them? Matthew 5:44

1. Love them.
2. Bless them.
3. Do good to them.
4. Pray for them.

(Explanation to the counselor)

I. Why is it difficult to resolve bitter experiences?

We will all suffer many wrongs done to us in a lifetime. Our response to those hurts will determine whether we will become a sweet or bitter person. Bitterness is difficult to resolve because we are unwilling to allow those who have wronged us to go unpunished. We think our bitter feelings toward them are justified and necessary to resolve the problem. Our bitterness towards them never resolves any problem, but rather magnifies the difficulty in our relationship to them.

II. What types of sins produce bitterness in the heart?

The Bible describes certain sins that will cause one to become bitter. Sexual deviant patterns will cause one to become bitter at God and others when one begins to face the consequences of the sinful behavior one is practicing. Bitterness will also occur when one’s focus is only on money and influence. If that goal is not realized one will become bitter at God and others. A person will also become bitter if he has disobeyed God’s Word and is facing the chastening or consequences.

III. What are the consequences if bitterness is not dealt with?

A counselor may share how unsolved bitterness will affect a person. It will affect one’ s emotions, other’ s responses to hurtful situations and will lead to other sins that are more destructive. Sample questions: -Are you aware of the emotional damage that bitterness causes us? -Are you aware of the effect your unresolved bitterness has on others? -Are you aware that bitterness is like a small root that is easily pulled when small and undeveloped but if allowed to grow will develop in other sins of wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking and malice. (Define each Greek term showing the progression from bitterness to malice.)

IV. Two examples of individuals who faced bitter situations.

Two stories in the Bible describe how two individuals faced bitter experiences. Joseph faced three of the most difficult experiences one could face in life. 1) Sold into slavery away from his family, 2) Potiphar lied about his character, and 3) he was forgotten in prison by the butler. In spite of these difficult experiences, Joseph learned three lessons that helped him not to become bitter toward others. They are found in Genesis 50. He shares them with his brothers after his fathers death when they expected Joseph to get even with them for selling him into slavery. Joseph left the judgment to God (Genesis 50:19), Joseph saw God’s sovereign hand in all adversity (Genesis 50:20), Joseph showed genuine concern for those who hurt him (Genesis 50:21). Naomi, on the other hand, faced similar difficulties and changed her name to Mara, which means bitter. She responded incorrectly to bitter experiences and became bitter. Sample question: -Which of these two would you like to be, later in life?

V. How can I rebuild a bitter attitude?

One must be aware that before replacing sinful responses with godly responses one must have a genuine repentant heart for the bitterness within one s heart. There are three elements found in Ephesians 4:32 that must be developed into one’s life. 1) Kindness 2) Tenderhearted 3) Forgiving one another. These three principles must be developed in the order they are presented in Scripture. A person will not be able to forgive unless he has a tender heart. He will not have a tender heart toward another who has hurt him until he has demonstrated kindness toward them. Have the counselee define each of the above terms, then show him specific ways in which he can begin implementing them in his personal situations. Show him how he can show kindness, followed by prayer for a tender heart, and finally, focus on forgiveness. No one can do these three things and continue to be bitter at the same time.

VI. How can a person forgive another for their wrongs?

Forgiveness is difficult because we do not understand what is involved. If one is to understand forgiveness, he must first understand God’s forgiveness of his sins and then apply those principles to the way he forgives others. These practical principles will help understand the concept of forgiveness.

VII. How am I to respond to others when I am hurt and am tempted to become bitter against them? Matthew 5:44

Jesus shares four steps to use in responding to those who have hurt us. If one is tempted to become bitter, one should apply these principles to their particular problem. If these four are followed one will not be able to harbor a bitter spirit. 1) Love them 2) Bless them 3) Do good to them 4) Pray for them.

I have seen big, tough, strong men being broken to tears. I have witnessed loud, outspoken, extroverted men being silenced in anger and/or fear. I have noticed the most confident men become questioning of their worth and potential. I have even witnessed men that have the assignment of being counselor for others, find themselves in need of great counsel and extreme under girding [I am one of them]. The question has to be asked, what’s really going on in the fabric of the man?

The fact of the matter is men were born and constructed with a deeply embedded passion to WIN. We can’t stomache the thought of losing. Our competitive nature will often times override the fatigue that we feel on a daily basis. We compete in our careers, and in our communities. We compete for our lady’s attention, and for more pay. We are good as long as we are in the winner’s circle. Men are hunter gatherers. Men are fixers and repairers. Men desire to know the answer to the question that you have. What’s even more important to note is that REAL MEN take full responsibility for the well being of those around them.

Having said that, it’s critical to note that much of the frustration that we often feel doesn’t come from our inability to take care of our own situations. Our frustration often arises when we lose control of the well being of those around us. It hurts us to not have the ability to fix it, answer it, change it, repair it, mend it, buy it, replace it, and whatever other ”it” that you want to add to the list. That inability can lead a man over the edge [quite literally].

So, knowing that we are as competitive as we are, and understanding that we are as caring as we are [and often don't express it], why do we have such breakdowns emotionally? We tend to run on “E” emotionally, more than we would like to admit it, or are even aware of. The truth is we’re often giving more than we are allowing ourselves to be replenished. We’re fixing the sink, and going over to change momma’s lights. We are picking the kids up, and getting the car serviced. We so often service everyone Else’s needs and negate our own. But wait a minute. Does Batman ever take his cape and mask off?

I want to encourage you brothers today to take your cape and mask off every now and then. Tuck yourself away in your Bat Cave. Take some time to just be plain old you. I mean sweaty, funky, hole in the drawers you. Every now and then you have to find a place that you can take the cape and mask off, take the weight off of your shoulders, and just be alone with your own thoughts. Trust me when I tell you, the world that you are deperately trying to save will be there when you get back. But for now, your Bat Cave [fishing, golfing, video games, woodshop, muscle car, etc.] is calling you.

LADIES!!!! If you want to see your man operate at his maximum potential, you must allow him a PLACE and some SPACE to revisist and reevaluate who he is. Give him some time. If you really love him, you will mandate some time that he can spend in his Cave getting in touch with himself. Enjoying the things that he loves, without having to answer why he enjoys them. I cannot stress it enough, much of the stress that we experience as men is because we don’t have anywhere that we can go to take our “costume” off, and just be us.

Make this the day that you schedule some “you time”. You will feel better, and everyone around you will thank you.

Let It Minister To You,

Pastor D

To learn from the greatest communicator, the only one whoever communicated perfectly, we can read the New Testament and study Jesus. He could give a graduate seminar on communicating. When he spoke, crowds gathered to hear what he had to say. When asked a question, he didn’t always answer the question that was on a person’s lips; he answered the question in his heart. After studying the Gospels, I think the most instructive passage on communication is also the first example of Jesus being at the center of a crowd:

And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers (Luke 2:46-47, KJV).

In this example, Jesus is only twelve years old. Mary and Joseph have started the long walk back home after the Passover holiday not yet realizing that Jesus isn’t with them. He stayed at the Temple to talk with the doctors and rabbis who met there regularly for debate and discussion. Four things are important to learn from this passage. What was Jesus doing in the midst of the doctors? Well, the passage says that he was hearing them and asking questions.

Those are the first two important things: hearing and asking questions.

This led him to understanding, and then he was able to give them answers. Understanding and answers are the third and fourth things to notice in this example. Jesus was there to hear them and ask questions, which led to understanding and his ability to give answers. Think about the sociological context of this period. In the Judean culture, women and children had no place with these rabbis who were sitting around stroking their long beards. So how did Jesus earn the right to sit in the middle and hold court? What allowed him this special treatment? To the community at large, Jesus was nothing more than Mary and Joseph’s son; and, frankly, those rabbis probably didn’t even know or care who Joseph was, let alone know his son.

What gave Jesus his entrée to this elite crowd? I can tell you what his entrée was. As those rabbis and doctors met and discussed these deep issues, this little twelve-year old kid named Jesus stood on the edge of their great theological debate and listened. The longer he listened, the more he heard. After awhile I imagine there was a pause in the conversation; and Jesus spoke up and said something like, “Rabbi Moshi, could I ask you a question, sir?” Indulging the child who had been listening for so long, they allowed him a single question. But when he asked the question, it revealed such deep insight and power that the scholars were soon asking themselves, “Where did that question come from? Boy, that’s a deep question for a twelve-year-old.” And with his insightful question, he had earned the right to an answer. So they answered him. Then he asked another penetrating question, and then another, and that continued until Jesus understood their position.

Soon they wanted to know more about what he thought. The conversation changed course, and they began to ask him questions. Then he was ready with the answers; and the discussion continued until three days had passed and his parents came back to collect him. Jesus was holding court with these learned men, but the situation didn’t start that way. It started with him listening, observing, and hearing what they had to say.

What do we typically do when we come across a discussion? Many of us jump right to the answer giving. We miss some of the best opportunities to communicate because everywhere we go, we talk. We never go simply to listen. When there are three or four people in the hallway, we never stand there and become part of the group; we want to be the one who gives the answers. As leaders, we need to do more listening. We need to resist being the one who knows it all. By listening to others, we learn how to communicate more effectively with both abstract and concrete communicators. We receive better information from those around us, and then we gain a greater understanding of the situation.

(Taken in part from: What’s Shakin’ Your Ladder by Dr. Sam Chand)

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“Now thanks be to God, which ALWAYS causes us to TRIUMPH in Christ, and makes manifest the aroma of his knowledge by us in every place.”

- 2 Corinthians 2:14

I chose to post this picture for two very specific reasons. 1. I just like the way that it looks, and thought that it would look hot on the page. LOL!!! 2. The more important reason is the symbolism that has been captured in the picture. It speaks volumes to where many of us are, and how many of us feel.

I want you to take another look at the picture. Ask yourself, on what side of this picture am I on? It’s wonderful to be on the winning side, and to have as much backing and support as you need. It’s great to be on the side where those that stand with you are as strong or stronger than you are. I would go so far as to say that it is incredible to be on the side that those that stand with you celebrate you, and push you to victory.

But what do you do when you have to stand alone? How do you handle the pressure of knowing that there is not a single person, place, or thing around you that has the inside scoop on who you are and who you are destined to be, but you? How do you stand in the face of trial after trial, and stumbling block after stumbling block? What do you do when failure is staring you in your face daring you to make a move? I have the answer to these questions, and any other defeated questions that may arise in your life. You have one choice, and one choice only. WIN!!!!!!!!!

You didn’t stumble onto this post by accident. You didn’t just happen to be here and read this. God needed you to know today that you were created to live in the winner’s circle. If the enemy desires to stand between you and your destiny, run him over. If opposition wants to speak louder than your purpose, invest in a good bullhorn. If doubt wants to have the final word, get VICTORY some water so that his throat stays lubricated, but he must have the last say.

I dare you to look the army that stands between you and your destiny square in the eye, and let them know that they have two options. Move or GET RUN OVER!!! But either way, you are going to win. Go. Fight. Win.

Let it Minister to You,

Pastor D